Necromance Movies - Loving the Dead

Ok, so we love dead things sometimes.  We love Dracula and vampires, zombies, werewolves, mummies, ghosts, and Frankenstein, who used to be dead, but now isn't.  I am going to run down my top five favorite movies about those who actually are in love with something that is dead or used to be dead and now isn't and is sort of undead or sorta alive, well, you catch my drift...

1.  Dracula - There have been probably more movies, books, comics, and adaptations of Bram Stoker's Dracula novel and the characters on which it is based than of any other horror character(s) besides perhaps zombies than we can count.  There is almost always some chick that is in love with Dracula or some other vampire that represents him or shares some of his characteristics.  Sometimes he has power over the person to influence them to fall in love with him and sometimes he doesn't, but either way, I know he's my favorite!  The two major films that I am totally in love with that are adapted from Bram Stoker's original novel, Dracula, are Dracula (1979), starring Frank Langella as Dracula and 1992's Bram Stoker's Dracula, starring Gary Olman as Dracula.  Christopher Lee was my favorite Dracula, but that's another can of worms.  I am just making mention today of my two favorite Dracula films.

You can watch Bram Stoker's Dracula (1992) on Crackle here for free with nothing to download or sign up for.  The NBC Dracula series with hot ass Jonathan Rhys Meyers is available on Hulu, too if you are interested here.  You can watch 'em free and you don't need Hulu plus to watch, currently.

2.  Frankenstein - Frankenstein is a horror classic that has been adapted probably almost as many times as Dracula and has so many spins that can be taken on what it is based, its not even funny.  The Bride of Frankenstein is also a central theme in many of the films from the 1935 version of The Bride of Frankenstein to 1992's version of Mary Shelley's Frankenstein, which also adds Frankenstein's reanimated bride, which he loses when the creature kills her and makes him recreate her as his own with Frankenstein's beloved best galpal's heart added to the reanimated she creature, which was once his bride, Elizabeth.  1992's Mary Shelley's Frankenstein is my favorite Frankenstein film ever made to date! 

 

You can watch Mary Shelley's Frankenstein (1992), which stars Robert DeNiro, Kenneth Branaugh, and Helena Bonham Carter for free on Crackle here.  I bet you have no idea how much I am grateful that the year 1992 happened in classic horror film and book adaptations, none at all!

3.  Boy Eats Girl (2005) - Let's see, when you mix two of my favorite things, Irishmen (my favorite flavor of man--that makes me want a hot dog real bad...correct my English and I slap you, that was a movie quote a-holes--where is your sense of humor!???  I digress???) and Zombies, you get one of my favorite zombie flicks I have seen to date, Boy Eats Girl, which is a horror comedy about a girl, Jessica and her friend-zone "special friend", Nathan, who attempts suicide when Jessica stands him up by accident on the night he is to declare his love for her.  He sees her getting a ride home in the rain from a particularly douchy boy he goes to school with that picks on him.  He thinks they are doing sexy-time stuff when really, she is just reaching down to get something as she gets out of his car and decides to walk home, because he's perving on her.  Nathan hangs himself and his mom performs a ritual and turns him into a zombie.  Henceforward, all zombie hell breaks loose in their little regular Irish town.  It used to be available to watch for free on Hulu and Veoh, but now its only available on Hulu Plus and Netflix (DVD only).  You can watch it on Redbox Instant by Verizon, though.

4. Haekel's Tale (Masters of Horror Season 1 Episode 12 ) & Dead Alive (1992) - Haekel's Tale was a short story written by Clive Barker, this one hour short film, which was featured on the popular series features two stories in one about magical necromancy and medical resurrection as well as some literal loving of the dead.  I guess you would call them zombies, but I don't know that they are even that lively and one sure doesn't eat brains.  He likes getting jiggy, though.  I can't really say much more without spoiling it, but I guess the ultimate expression of love for the dead would be procreating with a creature once loved in life and still loved in death that is no longer alive.

 

Dead Alive (Braindead) (1992) - of course was a popular cult film made in New Zealand, which surrounds the circumstances created when Lionel's overbearing mother was bitten by an infected zombie monkey thing at the zoo, while trying to ruin Lionel's date with Paquita, his new love interest.  There is some love of the dead between two dead subjects that procreate and make a cute little zombie baby.

You can watch Haekel's Tale on Hulu for free here.

5.  Aftermath (1994), Dead Girl (2008) & Kissed (1996) - are two equally sick films.  Aftermath is sick in the fact that its just disturbing, even though there are barely words spoken throughout the entire short.  Its only a half an hour long, but defiling a corpse in the most intimate of ways is pretty creepy, especially while you are autopsying it in an actual medical environment and it is your job.  Kissed is unnerving in the fact that the main character actually falls in love with the handsome, young, and dead men she works on at the funeral parlor, where she secured employment for the purpose of meeting dead guys to love.  Dead Girl is pretty messed up in the fact that the chick is sort of a zombie thing bound and tied up 24/7 in an asylum, unable to die.  I'm not really sure what she is, but she is still conscious, though undead, and "loved" against her will by force.  I guess Kissed is the lighter of the three and maybe a little nicer, but they are both pretty messed up!

New 2014 Paranormal Shows to Watch Free Online

 

Unnatural History

The Unexplained

Tales of the Living Dead

Beyond

The Haunting of....

Unexpected Horror Plot Twists

I am going to discuss a few movies without giving away the endings if you haven't seen them that have strange, confusing, and clever plot twists. I'll link the ones that are available free online and show you where to watch the ones that aren't without paying a mint! They are in no necessary order from best to worst, this is just a list.

1.   Gothika (2003) - a film which stars Halle Berry and Robert Downey Jr. Halle portrays a psychiatrist who gets in a car accident nobody bears witness to and she winds up waking up in the very asylum in which she practices. She has to figure out what the hell happened, why she got there, and who committed the horrifying crime for which she is accused.

Gothika is available on Netflix.

Gothika is also available on Amazon & Amazon Prime, Vudu, and iTunes.

Its also available below if you don't have an Amazon Prime Subscription.

If you sign up with the link I just posted, you get 30 days free and you can cancel at any time during or at the end of the 30 days if you choose not to keep your subscription.

2.  The Uninvited (2009) - Emily Browning stars in this thriller, which is the American version of the 2003 South Korean film, A Tale of Two Sisters, in which she returns home from a psychiatric hospital visit which resulted following the death of her mother.  When she arrives home, Anna is shocked to discover that her father has recently gotten engaged to Rachel (Elizabeth Banks), her mother's former nurse. 

Anna's suspicions about Rachel are quickly realized to be true when her deceased mother contacts her from the beyond the grave to warn the girl and her sister to try and convince their father that Rachel is not who he thinks she is. 

You can watch The Univited on YouTube, MGo, Vudu, Amazon, Best Buy's Cinema Now, and iTunes.

Its Korean version, A Tale of Two Sisters is available on Netflix.

3.  Lost Highway (1997) - This one was really weird.  I still don't think I get it all these years later.  Fred Madison (Bill Pullman), a musician, receives a message from an unknown man on his front door intercom saying, "Dick Laurent is dead." When he looks out his window nobody is there, but he hears the faint sound of police sirens.

The next day, there is a random package on his front doorstep with a video tape of inside his house.  After their evening lovins seesion, Fred sees Renee's face as that of a pale old man. Another weird tape shows up showing inside their house and frames of he and his wife in bed sleeping. They call the cops, but two detectives Al and Ed say that there's nothing they can do about it, but agree to keep an eye out.

That evening, Fred and Renee go out to a party held by Andy where Fred meets a creepy old guy played by Robert Blake clas in all black.  Oddly, his face looks like the one he saw on his wife's head after a lovins session the other night.

He actually tells Fred that he is at his house right now. Fred phones his house and the voice of the creepy guy answers his phone while he's standing right in front of him.  Fred walks away and asks Andy who the guy is and and he says he's a friend of Dick Laurent.

The next day, another random tape arrives and Fred watches it alone. I can't say what happens next, but its a really weird flick and you have no idea what's going on until the end.  I still haven't figured it out, but it was entertaining and has a killer soundtrack, which includes music from NIN, Marilyn Manson, and David Bowie.

You can watch it on Netflix, Amazon, Amazon Prime, Blockbuster, and Daily Motion. 

4.  The Attic (2008) - After her family moves into a new house, Emma starts to see visions of her dead twin sister. For her, the attic of her Victorian house may deliver the answer to her questions, but when she starts going up there, she starts getting all crazy.

You can watch it free below!

5

The Possession

I was hopeful and I can't say The Possession totally delivered, but it was a decent flick with a completely different spin on peeps being possessed.  I also can't say I am an eternal optimist.  I'm quite the pessimist, so did you really think I would have anything that good to say!?  I gotta tell ya when the little girl sticks the fork in her father's hand, I was kinda sold right there.  I'm pretty sure, however, I saw an episode of Paranormal Witness when the story was exactly the same, from which The Possession clearly stemmed, but I am just speculating.  I definitely will steer clear of purchasing wooden boxes with crafty etching at family yard and estate sales of my Jewish neighbors and friends.  Creepy!  I guess that would really suck if my kid was obsessed with a creepy wooden box with mirrors in it and shiz.  I would not be psyched so...yeah, its definitely worth renting, because you might jump a couple of times and its very original.

 

I am disappointed with A Hunting in Connecticut 2.  I watched the cheesy preview and I have no desire to see it.  However, I did like A Haunting in Georgia when it aired on A Haunting and its unfortunate that they had to ruin the integrity of a perfectly good tale and make it really suck!  Boo!  Oh, and Comcast is charging $6.99 to watch this piece of garbage.  Really?

You can rent it for $3.99 on YouTube, but its not available on Amazon or Netflix as of yet. 

Free Hulu Horror - Watch Online!

Freeway Killer

Enough said...

The Garden

Sam (Adam Taylor Gordon) is a young boy with big problems: He has bad dreams, he cuts himself, and he's just been released from a mental hospital. But when he and his recovering alcoholic father (Brian Wimmer) are forced to stay on a ranch owned by the mysterious Ben Zachary (Lance Henriksen of ALIENS), Sam's nightmares become all too real. On this placid land, the dead walk, evil is alive, and a terrifying prophecy may unleash the final apocalypse. As the suffering of the innocent takes root, will the taste of temptation lead Sam to the most shocking act of all? 

Darn, I thought that said Lars Frederiksen.  I was all excited.  I have a picture of Lars.  I snapped it as he was walking off stage drinking a bottle of water.  Lars...oh how I love thee...in a nonsexual way, though...I'd hit that on principle, though. 

Troll 2

 Troll's pretty good, and Troll 2 isn't bad either.  Just think Leprechaun, but a little more twisted, and not as obsessed with gold.  The Leprechaun didn't really mess with kids either, so I guess the Troll is just mean!  But hey, who said trolls were nice???

This handsome fellow is Robert Blake.  He plays the mystery man in Lost Highway.  He was accused of killing his estranged wife back in 2001.  He was tried and acquitted, but lost in the wrongful death suit in 2005.  So, we can say he looks like a murderer, but he isn't one in the eyes of the law.

He is a wrongful death tortfeasor!!!!

T O R T F E A S O R

TORTFEASOR -   A PERSON WHO COMMITS A "CIVIL WRONG", NOT NECESSARILY AN ILLEGAL ACT...

YOU EFFING TORTFEASOR!!!

Tortfeasor is a wicked good word, but a MALFEASOR IS WAY BETTER!  MALFEASORS COMMIT WRONGFUL ACTS, BUT THEIR WRONGFUL ACTS ARE, IN FACT, ILLEGAL.

YOU EFFING MALFEASOR!!!!

I always wanted to use both words in a sentence, and do every time I get a chance.  I know, I'm insane!  However, I am not a TORTFEASOR OR A MALFEASOR!

That's all I really got, guys.  I saw Lost Highway on Hulu, but there were only clips.  I am bummed.  I still don't get that movie, but I did enjoy watching the shiz out of it for like months once.  I like when that handsome creature of  a guy at the costume party with the vampire costume on tells Bill Pullman he's at his house right now and to call him.  Bill calls him and he answer's Bill's phone and they are not at Bill's house, classic!

 Bill Pullman is an underrated actor.  How many movies has Bill starred in, and he gets no play.  Who talks about what a super actor Bill is.  Why does Bill always look confused?  This is probably why!  Bill, we salute you!  I would not hit that on principal, even, though. 

The Donner Party Starring Crispin Glover

The Donner Party was a vast disappointment.  Despite the promise of continuous cannibalism, which it did deliver, I was unhappy with the amount of bloodshed and carnage in this depressing psychological pseudo-documentary.  I also don't think there was as much shooting of people as this adaptation claims.  I think they simply ate people who could not withstand the journey and died.  It was a nice attempt at trying to portray some sinister plot in the mid-1800's Sierra Mountains on a journey to Sutter, California, but it just didn't
deliver :(.

The best part of this flick was Crispin Glover, of course.  He did a good job of changing his demeanor, but you can't see him as anything else but his creepy Willard self or when he played Andy Warhol in The Doors.  It confused me, and that was the only interesting part.  There's lots of snow, and boring cannibalism, and some shooting of half dead people with bags under their eyes who can't defend themselves. 

Its fun to watch if you want to continuously make fun of the film with a group of friends, and you better watch it that way if you want to avoid passing out mid-movie and having to watch it 3 times before you can get through it, yup, it happened.  Granted, it was late when I started watching it, but come on, I can usually get through a film, especially if its in English and involves Cannibalism.

Masters of Horror - Underrated - Available Free Online!

Masters of Horror includes thirteen famous horror movie directors directing a one hour short horror film for the Showtime television network. You can watch some of these greats online. I intend to list some of my favorite "episodes" here. The ones of not, most worth watching are:

Jenifer - Jennifer is a mute, deformed girl who seems to have no problem getting play. A cop finds her and this psycho trying to kill the poor girl. He takes her home, and pities her, and soon falls deeply in lust with her. The only problem is that he has a wife and a kid. Well, the plot thickens...

Some of Dario Argento's best work! Jenifer has a hot body, but she could use some work on her face, and there is really a bit wrong with those eyes, ouch!

Dreams in the Witch house - A short story by none other than H.P. Lovecraft is revamped, and put to film on Masters of Horror.  A mathematical scholar boards in a room in the Witch House, a house thought to be cursed.  There is some funk going on with mathematics, dreams of demons and witches, and the wall.  There is also some junk going on with the hot single mama next door and her baby and the mathematician.  Its disturbing.  There is also a weird, anti-social old man downstairs who knows lots!  There is a question of madness in a couple characters here with the strange going-ons at the Witch House!

The Washingtonians - Mike Franks, played by Johnathon Schaech, Christina Applegate's hot husband, who has grown quite distinguished looking as he gets older. Ooooh, I like it. Anyway, he discovers a letter hidden behind a portrait of George Washington in the basement of his grandmother, who just died. It says, "I Will Skin and Eat Your Children. Upon Finishing, I Shall Fashion Tools Out of Their Bones," with the signature "G. W.". There is a fork fashioned out of human bones behind there too, fabulous! There is a guy that tries to get Mike to sell the letter, and blah blah. Creepy period dressed things with sharp teeth start to visit him, ewwww!



Skeeery! I don't like their teeth at all, not at all!

Anyway, watch the whole thing here!



Its also available on demand on Netflix.com!

There are a few more, but watch these for now. Actually, you can watch them all pretty much on Netflix, if you have one.