Vampire Characters That Are Actually Scary

Ok, so Dracula is not that scary. He is kind of a man-slut and just found the right woman after centuries sort of like a way cooler, less sinister and more sophisticated Edward Cullen.

Louie and even Lestadt from Interview With a Vampire, um, not scary. Louie doesn't like eating people and Lestadt is sexy to chicks and dudes so at least you get to get your groove on with a hot stud before he drains every last drop of blood. He will have the decency to go downtown even if he is bleeding you dry. He's also very witty and charming.  The guy has charisma, what can I say?

The Buffy the Vampire Slayer Vampires are pretty lame. Come on, one of them is Pee Wee Herman. The Lost Boys, at least they were 80's eye candy. Again, just hungry teenagers like Edward Cullen, who is really 80 and just pretends to be a teenager.

The vampires in most movies are just searching for food and they are hungry so they have to eat. They are not really "evil". I'm going to rundown a list of vampires that are actually scary and scare the boobs directly off my body.

1. Every single vampire especially the leader guy in 30 Days of Night - the original one, the movie, not the series. These guys speak a creepy language none of us have ever heard. Its barely even human. They are so very inhuman that its scary. They can't even pretend to be human, but they look very much like us and used to be us. They have wicked sharp teeth and their eyes are black. They are like "demonpires". They don't seem to clean up very well either. They are wicked fast and suck blood and don't even wipe their dirty little inhuman mouths. They make weird man-beast noises, too, and its effing creepy. Their fans are not pearly white (kinda black, actually), and they have misshapen heads, too. Fawk are these guys not sparkly!

Look, the leader has the same jacket as David from the Lost Boys!  Do all vampire leaders shop at the same outerwear retailer?

2. Akasha - from Queen of the Damned. She is like the "Eve" of all vampires, the mother of them all. That bizznatch is mofawking evil. She will tear your head off and suck out your eyeballs and you will be fine with it, because she is wicked hot. She hates and will kill all humans as she sees them as truly inferior, ever single one. She doesn't even care if its a newborn baby. Akasha will even kill other vampires for sustenance or if they just get in her way, which is, of course, a definitely unspoken no-no in the vampire code rule book.

3. Lucy & Dracula's Gypsy Servants in the Castle -  from Bram Stoker's Dracula as well as the gypsy servants in the pit.  Eating babies is something every vampire tries to steer clear from as well as really little kids.  Lucy tries to eat a toddler and Dracula's gypsies are served a newborn for dinner before Jonathan Harker's horrified eyes.

Rockabilly Vampire (1996)

Rockabilly Vampire's Synopsis Courtesy of IMDb 

Iris is stuck in the 50's. She is quite obviously a billy chick and like most if not all rockabilly enthusiasts, she loves Elvis.  Iris believes Elvis is still alive. She believes this because, when she was 14, she had a dream in which Elvis told her he was going into hiding. The next day, the news was all over that Elvis had died. Of course, the publishers to whom she is trying to sell her story tell her that she is a crackpot.

 

Iris and her goth friend Emma are sitting at the counter of the goth shoppe where they both work and discussing Iris's lack of a love life and Iris looks out the window and sees Elvis.  By the time Emma looks up, Elvis has disappeared. Yeah, it probably was just a vision, Iris agrees. Later that day, however, as Iris walks home, she bumps into Elvis again. It turns out that "Elvis" is really Eddie Vincent.

What Iris doesn't know is that Eddie Vincent is also a vampire, having been turned by his own brother Wrecks back in 1956 while on his way to an Elvis lookalike contest. Unlike Wrecks, Eddie doesn't like being a vampire, and he drinks human blood only when the craving becomes overwhelming and then only from drunks, thugs, and other undesirable persons.

When Wrecks and his two henchmen, T-Bone and Greasy, come looking for Eddie (so Wrecks can bite Eddie for the second time, which will place Eddie under his power for all eternity), Eddie goes on the defensive. Afraid that Wrecks might harm Iris, on whom Eddie is starting to get sweet, Eddie tells Iris that he and Wrecks are vampires and says a sad goodbye to Iris...but not fast enough.

Wrecks finds Iris at the local diner, having a fried banana sandwich on Wonder bread, and can tell from the smell that Eddie has been with her. When Wrecks begins to threaten Iris, the diner manager chases him out. Iris pays her bill and goes outside, where she finds Eddie, bloody-handed and standing over the dead manager, whose throat is equally as bloody. Eddie swears that it was Wrecks who did the killing and pleads with Iris to hide him at her apartment until they can figure out what to do.

Eddie is beginning to get hungry for blood. When Lorenzo, a Beatle wannabee who is also sweet on Iris, comes to inform her that, if she doesn't go out with him, he's going to get Juju the Voodoo Guru to put a love spell on her, Eddie and Beatle Boy get into a fight, and Eddie ends up drinking his blood (Beatle Boy's final words, "Help, I need somebody..."), finally convincing Iris that he's serious about being a vampire.

Now believing that Eddie needs blood, Iris (and Eddie), wearing red bandanas over their noses, stage a daring robbery of a blood bank, making off with a pint. Unfortunately, the blood is bad and Eddie barfs it up. Fearing that Eddie is fading fast, Iris offers him her neck. The next morning, Iris wakes up a vampire.

Meanwhile, Iris's scuzzy landlord Benny Lawalski, whose father was recently killed by what looks to Detective Crapoe like a vampire bite, notices Iris reading Carol Page's book Bloodlust, and he begins to get suspicious. While Iris is showing Emma the cool bites on her neck, Benny suddenly shows up at the shoppe with a crossbow, intending to destroy Iris.

Benny forces Iris to lead him to Eddie, who immediately overpowers Benny and knocks him out.  Eddie and Iris attempt to leave the apartment but they are seen by Wrecks and his henchmen who follow Eddie and Iris to the roof where they try to escape. Just as Wrecks starts to put the bite on Eddie, however, Benny shows up and shoots a wooden dart through Wrecks' heart. Benny then strangles T-Bone with a string of garlic and sends another dart through Greasy's heart.

When Benny turns the crossbow on Eddie, Iris steps in front of him and takes the dart herself. Wrecks wakes up just long enough to bite Benny's neck, while Eddie pulls the dart from Iris's chest. Fortunately, it missed her heart. When Iris has healed enough to travel, Eddie steals a red convertible, and they both drive off together to find Elvis. 

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